I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
