His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
