if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
