My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
