Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
