he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm both gender and math confused
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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