you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
