why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
