so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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