In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
