He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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