The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
A+ Viking dick
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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