Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
