That's intense
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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