I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
