how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I forgot how hot balto sounded
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
