My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize