just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
