If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
