Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
