i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
