God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
