I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
