____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
