Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
