it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
