..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
