His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
