I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize