Duck Duck Cougar?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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