i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
what day is it and did you see me today?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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