Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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