Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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