look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
