I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
