i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
