she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
