the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize