I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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