I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
