On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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