what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
