I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
