you guys were way drunker than both of me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
