while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize