addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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