in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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