is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
