My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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