Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
