so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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