Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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