why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
