Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
