So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
