She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
