HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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