I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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