You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
