It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He better not be in your backpack
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
