why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize