My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
