Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
