How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
