I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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