I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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