I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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