So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
