So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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