Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you never un-have a 4some
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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