I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
