he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize