I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
